Common Toddler Behaviours Explained

By Priya Elkins, Early Years Contributor | Baby & Toddler Column | Childcare Standards Council

If you’ve ever found yourself negotiating with a two year old over the colour of their socks, or wondering why your toddler suddenly refuses to eat their favourite meal, you’re certainly not alone. The toddler years (roughly from 1 to 3 years old) are full of emotional highs and lows, not just for little ones, but for the adults who love and care for them.

As unpredictable as toddler behaviour can seem, there’s usually a good reason behind it. Understanding what’s typical and why it happens can help you respond with greater confidence, patience, and kindness.

In this post, we’ll explore some of the most common toddler behaviours and explain what’s going on beneath the surface. Because once you understand the “why”, the “what to do” becomes much clearer.

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1. Tantrums: Big Emotions in Small Bodies

Tantrums are one of the most common and often most overwhelming toddler behaviours. They can include crying, shouting, hitting, or throwing themselves on the floor, and often appear without warning.

Why it happens:

Toddlers have big feelings but limited skills to manage them. Their brains are still developing the ability to regulate emotions, use language to express themselves, and handle frustration. A tantrum is not manipulation; it’s a signal that they’re overwhelmed.

What helps:

• Stay calm and nearby; your presence is reassuring

• Label their emotions: “You’re feeling really cross because you wanted the blue cup.”

• Avoid giving in just to stop the tantrum, but do comfort them once it passes

• Keep routines consistent to reduce overwhelm

Tantrums are normal and part of healthy development. They usually decrease as toddlers gain more language and emotional understanding.

2. Saying “No!” (Often)

Refusing instructions, shouting “no”, or testing limits is classic toddler behaviour. It may feel defiant, but it’s actually part of growing independence.

Why it happens:

Around 18 months to 3 years, toddlers become more aware of themselves as individuals. Saying “no” is one of the few ways they can assert control over their world.

What helps:

• Offer simple choices: “Do you want the red socks or the yellow ones?”

• Use clear, kind limits: “I can’t let you hit. That hurts.”

• Avoid power struggles when possible, pick your battles

• Be consistent so they know what to expect

Remember, “no” is a sign of healthy development; it means your toddler is figuring out where they end and others begin.

3. Hitting, Biting or Throwing

Physical behaviours like hitting or biting can be distressing, especially if they’re directed at other children. It’s tempting to see it as aggression, but it’s usually communication.

Why it happens:

Toddlers don’t yet have the language or impulse control to express frustration, anger, or even excitement. Physical actions are quicker and more immediate than words.

What helps:

• Intervene calmly and firmly: “No biting. That hurts.”

• Show them what to do instead: “You can say ‘stop’ if you’re upset.”

• Stay consistent in your response

• Praise gentle, kind behaviour when you see it

It takes time, repetition, and emotional coaching for toddlers to learn alternative ways to express themselves.

4. Separation Anxiety

Sudden clinginess or upset when you leave the room (or drop them off at nursery) is very common between 12 months and 3 years.

Why it happens:

Your toddler is learning object permanence, the idea that people exist even when they’re not visible. This new awareness can lead to anxiety about being apart from you.

What helps:

• Keep goodbyes short, calm, and consistent

• Always say goodbye, even if it’s tempting to slip away

• Use routines to build trust: “First we say goodbye, then you play.”

• Offer reassurance that you’ll return

Separation anxiety often comes in phases and tends to lessen as your child grows in confidence and independence.

5. Repeating the Same Behaviour (Even After You’ve Said No)

You tell your toddler not to climb on the sofa, and five minutes later, there they are again. Sound familiar?

Why it happens:

Toddlers are curious, persistent, and have short memories. Repetition helps them learn and make sense of the world. They’re also testing boundaries to see if they’re consistent.

What helps:

• Stay consistent: the same rule, every time

• Redirect instead of just saying “no”: “Let’s climb on the cushions instead.”

• Celebrate cooperation: “Thank you for keeping your feet on the floor.”

• Be realistic about their ability to remember and resist impulses

Your toddler isn’t trying to annoy you, they’re trying to figure out how things work, including your reactions.

6. Picky Eating

Many toddlers go through a phase of only eating certain foods or refusing meals altogether. It can be frustrating, especially if you’re worried about nutrition.

Why it happens:

Appetite naturally slows after the first year. Picky eating is also about control and familiarity, toddlers often prefer what they recognise and can predict.

What helps:

• Keep offering a variety of foods without pressure

• Serve new foods alongside familiar favourites

• Make mealtimes relaxed and screen free

• Trust their appetite, don’t force them to finish everything

It can take multiple exposures to a new food before it’s accepted. Keep offering, stay calm, and avoid turning meals into battles.

7. Constant Movement

Toddlers often seem like they’re in constant motion, running, climbing, dancing, or fidgeting. It can be exhausting to keep up.

Why it happens:

Toddlers are exploring their physical abilities and burning off energy. Movement also helps them learn about space, balance, and coordination.

What helps:

• Build movement into the day: trips to the park, soft play, dancing at home

• Create safe spaces for climbing and jumping

• Offer calm, sensory play to help them wind down

• Use transitions gently: “Five more minutes to play, then we’ll tidy up.”

Toddlers need lots of physical activity to support brain and body development; it’s not misbehaviour, it’s movement with a purpose.

Final Thoughts: Understanding Is the First Step

Toddlerhood is full of growth, discovery, and (yes) plenty of drama. When your child pushes boundaries, refuses to listen, or throws themselves to the floor in protest, it’s not a sign of failure; it’s a sign that they’re developing exactly as they should be.

The most helpful thing we can do is offer gentle guidance, firm boundaries, and plenty of patience. You won’t always get it right, and that’s okay. What matters most is your ongoing connection, your willingness to try again, and your child knowing they are safe, loved, and understood.

The toddler years are a wild ride, but one filled with wonder, laughter, and milestones worth celebrating.